| And Everything Will Be Just Awful When We're Around |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|02:40 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | blood brothers- the salesman denver max(back in the wayback machine) | ] |
i haven't written in here in FOREVER, but i felt like i needed to tonight. so much has changed in my life and it's ridiculous, i don't feel like i'm anywhere close to the same person that I was when i was fifteen and sixteen, but I know that I am. I got to hang with John for one of the few times all summer and we had a nice really long talk about all the shit we used to get into. we also talked about music and art, and how i should continue working with art because i shouldn't let my creativity slip away. tonight felt like that same time again, even though so much shit has changed.
chilling with cam this weekend at the cabin helped a lot of shit out too, i keep changing my global outlook every few days and i'm never the same person from week to the next.
painting has been the most frustrating experience of my life, along with a lot of other things this summer.
i dont know what the fuck the plan is for anything anymore, and i never want to again.
i have a long list of things to do, but i'm not sure if i'll do any of them, or finish them all by tomorrow night, which is how my summer has been and how the rest of my life will be, even if i still suck at articulating this mess of words.
end summation of the summer (since most people are leaving in a week): awesome, all that I could have ever imagined would happen. and, i finally learned to leave shit be, which has made everthing easier.
i also don't think about the end of the world as much anymore, but i still think about crazy ass shit all the time, especially when i'm hanging off of houses.
the half of a paycheck sucked today, but still being able to list six memorable events is right up there with my summer quota, everything seems to have been blown to bits, but everything has stayed the same, and i guess i just don't get why but i dont care either. |
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| There's a Crack in Your Window, There's a Crack in Your Life |
[May. 9th, 2007|05:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | down | ] |
| [ | music |
| | black thunder | ] |
I'm kinda down right now. this stupid fucking sickness is like destroying everything around me, at least i feel like it is.
she's going to a friend's house to get drunk this weekend because i have mono and she wouldn't spend the night alone with me instead of getting fucked up, i dont know i'm not really blaming her, but i feel like this is her way of getting back at me for even getting this, cuz i swear deep down she thinks i did something wrong to catch this, and i honestly didn't do shit, i wish i could pin this down to something specific, but i cant.
oh well, i'll let her live her life, i can't give her anymore stress right now, she's at the end of her rope and she needs to let her hair down, but i know i'm gonna sit at home on saturday freaking out all night assuming the worst, cuz that's what i do.
i hate having mono. |
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| Let's Get Out of This World |
[May. 7th, 2007|11:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | simple | ] |
| [ | music |
| | yearning | ] |
I have mono. I dont know how I got this lovely disease, but hillary blames rachel, which makes me sad because i feel like she thinks i might have cheated on her, which i never would have done, ever.
I dont want to leave her for college. i just dont, i feel like she is the best of the best that i could ever have and i feel like i'm blowing my one chance at perfect happiness by leaving her for college. i was thinking about it today, and i know this sounds really foolish, but i know that i could save myself for her if i had the promise of being with her again. i also have this dream for my life, and it makes me really sad, because i can never ever have what i want.
my dream is to just leave and go with her up north, not too far north, but just far enough so i can get away from the big city and the stress. i want to live in a quiet place in the woods, well just where we can have a big space of land, and i could be like the 'town psychologist'? i dont know i just know that i like psychiatry but in all honesty i would be perfectly happy doing any job that pays enough so that i dont have to worry about money and i can be with her. she tells me that she wants to take her daughter to me when i become a big name psychologist to solve her daughter's problems and that tears me up because i would do anything to be with her forever, and she just doesn't think that will happen. she doesn't want me to fade away, but she expects us both to move on in our lives, and i dont think i'll be able to get over her.
i was watching the green mile on friday, and when the old guy says that his favorite time in his life was the summer after he got married to his wife when it was just them in their cabin everyday, i thought about it, and i would kill to be able to do that with her, just live with her and her alone for a summer.
i'm honestly more attracted to her everyday. she's definitely everything i could ever want and i just dont think i could ever find someone else like this, never in a million years. she's really smart, really sweet, really funny, absolutely beautiful, just everything.
i'm gonna hate college. all i want is to live my life with her. and i can't tell this to her face, so i say it in here. |
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| cool's eternal, but it's always dated |
[Dec. 16th, 2006|02:03 am] |
so this isn't about how wonderful my life is right now, cuz i want to document the craziness of the power outage, but hillary is the most amazing girl in the universe
so i was driving to her birthday, and we ended up taking many detours cuz trees had blocked the roadways, and we ended up getting lost on a road and all of a sudden there was a huge tree branch hanging from a power line and it looked like it was a hanging man and that was the moment that i realized i was stuck in a horror movie hurtling towards my arbor doom. we were driving around roadblocks, and we couldn't see what was blocking them until we were creeping along a downed tree that had crushed a car and was also only two feet from our window as we passed by, it was really scary.
then i went to hillary's party, she is the sweetest thing i've ever known
and so i was driving home on bothell-everett highway tonight, and everything was dark. it was like the whole world was a ghost town, and it was so awesome seeing all the stoplights appear out of the dark, but then we got back into where there was power, and the neon glow from applebee's and canyon park absolutely sickened me. i wish all the lights went off everynight, the world is so much more beautiful that way. |
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| On Fences With Switches Turn Them On |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|09:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | a waterfall | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bomb first | ] |
Aperture
Scavengers stifle rapture and leave a serrated portrait of avarice
Nostalgic shards of emerald strewn across the floor
A Mosaic disclosing my counterpart
Vacantly idling
Until her new pseudonym
Grants her instant emancipation
While I let my diaphanous roots take hold
Remember dancing on eyes?
You let the river wash your features away
Traded eyes for wings when you were tethered to the ground
The dialects wound together by cowardice
Cut the line to get to your kingdom
Ascend and blindly sing tersanctus
Ransacked consorts for the skeletal throne
Broken idolatry on a brittle pedestal
Cosmetic seraph, I wont hesitate to set fire to your wings
When smiles go flaccid, grace fails
I’ll persist on, while your wings melt |
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| With Bulldozer Suaveness |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|07:48 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the realist killaz | ] |
there is a monstrous hole in my ceiling where a bunch of water is pouring down like two feet away from my computer
i've been downloading 2pac all day
and writing poetry all weekend |
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| Brilliant Minds with Pretty Faces Never Cry |
[Sep. 20th, 2006|09:44 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | fiesty snake woman | ] |
i wish i had the eloquence to say exactly how i feel whenever she freewheelingly cries out amor.
lotus flower
Our deities brandish the whip and augment our warped gait
Rites facilitate agony like narcissists drowning parthenii
The bolstered fears governed by passion wait for their king
An iconoclast holding the key
To drain the vast sacrificial lake of introspection
I saw the infinite light
Now I cannot leave |
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| i'm bathed in atomic light |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|05:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | PIZZA | ] |
| [ | music |
| | PIZZA | ] |
ok so i'll make this short
i have been having a terrrible week, ridiculously stressed about everything, got really sick, girls, failed drive test, the list goes on
but everything just got better
i had the best apple i've ever had today
and now i'm about to eat pizza(baked to perfection) while listening to pizza
and thus i feel a million times better |
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| i saw cotton and i saw black tall white mansions and little shacks |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|01:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | vision | ] |
recording has been going good. i finished my vocals today, they were pretty sweet. the author the title actually worked, so i'm pumped for that shit.
today was cool.
first, we went to seven eleven after i laid down the guitar and this crazy five year old girl was just smiling at me and showing me her fingernail polish. there was also some young kid in a minor threat shirt.
i have come to the conclusion that the firehouse staff are the nicest people on the planet with the exception of nat who is a scary scary person, even though he is an upstanding individual. ken decided out of nowhere to barbeque burgers and veggie burgers, so we got to eat for free. when we walked out to get the food, everyone was in the room watching fantasia. then when we left for home, they were all out playing some basketball. i love that place.
i watched amelie for the first time tonight, it was really good, it made me happy.
PS I FORGOT
i'm pretty positive cam is a robot here are my reasons for the thesis
1. he nailed every drum track in one take
2. he makes no facial expressions when he plays drums
3. he has no emotions
4. he never shows interest in girls
5. he needs to oil his joints daily |
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| i know that you're dying, and i know i'm unwell, and together we sashay through variations of hell |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|12:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | casa | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mountains made of steam | ] |
lots of shit has been going down lately i'll try to keep this compact but i dunno if i'll be able to.
um our show at the lab was cool. we played really well, but no one was there for us. it was just brandon and wayne, there were a few dudes sitting in the back, but a bunch of people were there for the other bands that we booked, and left during us, only to come back in after our set. the same thing happened at our show at the firehouse, and we had to cancel the rosetta show.
cross country has been good and i'm getting kinda fast. camp was absolutely amazing though. i made tons of friends and now i feel like i'm part of the team. it got me motivated to do shit, for the first time since i got into high school, so now i'm about to get my license and i haven't been worrying about girls or anything much at all.
shit there was something else i was gonna talk about before i went into this next part but i dont remember. i went and saw the hills have eyes on sunday with nathan, thom is a fucking longhair, and the chick and bass player from schoolyard heroes were right behind me. oh and friday the band that followed us RULED. they wre called stationary legs and they blew my mind i wanna play with them again.
we're going in to record this weekend. i'm really pumped i have a feeling that this will rule. only problem is that i've had a sore throat for a week or so and i can't seem to shake it, and i have completely lost the ability to scream. i can yell kinda like in city of caterpillar, but i can't scream anymore, so i dont know how good i'll be. eight songs in forty hours though, bass, two guitar, drums, multiple vocals for each song, this will be a task, but we know our songs inside out. nathan is gonna play bass on it and the cd release is gonna be on my eighteenth bday. hopefully it will be the best birthday ever. |
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| I Will Erase the Sun |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|11:06 pm] |
so i just sneezed but it came out like a gnarly ass cough, and it really hurt my throat. |
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| Ya No Estoy Enamorado Con Tus Mentiras, El Infierno Me Duermo, Porque El Infierno es la Unica Verdad |
[Jul. 15th, 2006|04:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | house | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cevita Dei | ] |
en Mi Vida...
it's been forever since i posted anything to this. Since the last time I posted, we've played three shows, one with heavyheavylowlow, and we've booked three more. In fact, we're playing tonight. The band is going good, we just need to practice more often to becometighter and good.
This summer has been really good to me, and life is going a lot better than it was. It's still not perfect, but so many things have happened this summer to make me feel better about myself.
Highlights so I can remember it all
HHLL show where i get kicked in the nuts by their guitarist
Stypek with sydney
Opera Switch On show with Man in the Blue Van(who's singer is really hot), followed by scones with wayne, followed by stuff that never happened
fourth of july at brandon's uncle's house, three lucky catches in right field=king for a day
kyle's party, so much fun
i can't think of anything else right now but i know there is more that i'm forgetting
it's time to go for the show |
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| In the Back of My Head I Saw a Knife Dangling from Your Face |
[May. 21st, 2006|03:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | house | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Je l'appelai | ] |
"the author, the title"
graying images in my hands, run, run
depth perception is lost, fading in and out of focus
with glass eyes and unscrupulous speech, palsy afflicting all you touch
droning on and on and knocking over all in it’s path
the kleptomania and abandoned worship turning against all that was loved
warmth was thrown out, cornerstones displaced, walking down the familiar path
as the fruit falls, the echo of indifference grows
the dying young rot in your teeth
beaten under the camouflage of another night
blacklisted, thrown out, torn away from shelter
rubbernecking, all eyes drawn to the glowing wreckage
front and center, all hope lost in the glowing wreckage
akimbo spirits, facing the shrouds, circle of prayer for the fallen trust
Miserere di me, break the silence and save this
why can’t you just save this
rebirth |
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| she dies in his arms now their love is a floating ghost |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|08:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my house | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | this heat | ] |
first just raptors show was on friday, in a barn, and it was awesome. there were no real fuck-ups and we went pretty crazy and it was just a hoot. it was almost in marysville though, so it was a bitch to get there. alex wayne and brandon came to support us, it was tight. the people putting it on were really cool. i think my favorite band to watch was everyone's hypocrite, even though i liked the majority of the bands that played. they recorded it, but the guys computer might have deleted it, so we might have audio from our first live show, and we might not.
YEAH
i just made a design that could be our first button, it looks cool, and all that jazz, i'm gonna scan it into the comp later |
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| you are every ounce of horror |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|03:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | house | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  agitated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | at this velocity | ] |
a perfect world
little children always get to heaven
you gave me bread and shelter
then broke my legs and left me for the wolves
you took back what was left
help me clear my head in your masochistic existence
flashes of torture ate away my sanity
each day the weight became greater
until i made my tormentors go away
my protectors go away
now i'll get to heaven |
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mr_supercool's journal
